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i h8 u [userpic]
by i h8 u (newtoyou)
at July 21st, 2006 (04:57 pm)

Pete Wentz walked toward the dorm, swinging his backpack in annoyance. He'd trudged through eight inches of snow to an 8 am class that had been canceled. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, not going to class meant spending more time with Matt and Tony.

He was nervous, he'd heard Tony chortling the night before about something he'd bought and Matt was insisting he couldn't have it in the dorm when people were around. So, knowing Tony, it was probably a fucking mountain lion or something.

He paused at the door when he heard Matt and Tony inside arguing.

"Matt, it doesn't fit. It's too big," Tony snapped.

"Stop whining and push, Tony. It'll go a lot easier if you help."

"I don't want to help, Matt. I don't want it IN THERE!"

"Tony! PUT IT IN!" Matt yelled.

"But it doesn't fit! I don't want it to break."

"It's not going to break, you baby!"

"I'm pushing as hard as I can- it won't go in." Matt sighed in annoyance and Tony shouted again. "It's too tight... I can't get it in."

"You're not good for anything! One simple favor for me, and you can't do it," Matt bitched.

"Excuse me? I always do everything for you, asshole. You have two hands. You could do it yourself."

"T! You know I can't do this by myself- it's easier with someone else"

"Then at least make it smaller first!"

"That'll take too long, just do it this way!"

"It's going to break!"

"It's flexible, it won't break," Matt explained.

"Alright, but if it does, you're cleaning it up," Tony warned.

"Oh, whatever. Just do it, ok? And quick."

"I can't go any faster," Tony said lowly.

"Wimp! Be a man!"

"I'm really trying here, Matty!" Tony huffed.

"You're not trying hard enough! This is not brain surgery!"

"Good damn thing , too, cause you're still here." Pete pressed his ear to the door, he thought he could actually hear Matt pouting about that. "These things weren't meant to be put in there!"

"Make...it...fit, Anthony!"

"Matt! I'm gonna cut it in half if you don't stop yelling at me!"

"The hell you will! Tony, come on! I've shoved bigger things than that in there before- just do it!"

"I don't want it to break! Where will we get more balls?"

"We can steal some from Pete Wentz. He won't mind sharing."

"But his isn't pink like yours. I don't like the ugly purple ones," Tony argued. "Plus, his isn't as big, his balls won't fit right."

"Well, he uses his more. Deal."

"Matt! I bet he'd never try to cram his in..."

"Shut up! Just shut up! He would, too! I've seen him do it."

Pete's eyes widened.

"Alright, Matt, it is getting deformed. It is not supposed to be that shape."

"It's flexible! It'll pop back into shape once it comes back out."

"Are you sure?" Tony asked skeptically.

"Yes, damn it!"

"Okay- I'll try one more time. But if it doesn't slide in, I'm gonna stand on the damn thing until it breaks, then put it in," Tony yelled.

"Is that going to hurt?" Matt asked.

"It won't hurt me," Tony shot. Grunts and moans pierced the air, then Matt shouted triumphantly.

"IT'S IN!"

"Well, Matty, it's never gonna come out now," Tony complained.

"Well, who wants it out?"

"ME! It shouldn't be there! It doesn't... fit right! How'm I supposed to sit with it in there?" Tony screamed angrily.

"You'll just have to work around it. I worked to hard to get it in to take it out now."

"You worked hard? I think I did all the work here, Matt. You just sat there and watched!"

"That's not true!"

"Is, too! I did all the work and you sit there and get have all the fun!"

"You think this was fun for me? Oh no!"

"You sure seemed to be enjoying yourself while I was cramming it in there!"

"You're just making shit up, Tony. I did not enjoy a second of this."

"Then why did we do it?"

"Because I wanted it that way!"

"Next time, think about what I want! Think about my feelings! Think about how I'm supposed to SIT FOR THE NEXT WEEK!"

"It had to go somewhere, Tony and since I don't care about you sitting... anyway, we wouldn't need so much room if Pete Wentz didn't get one."

"You're ridiculous, Matt! Why couldn't you stick Pete Wentz's in?"

"Because it wouldn't fit there!" Matt screamed. "Now leave it!"

Pete stepped back from the door and looked around. The hall was empty, which meant that, potentially, no one else had heard what those two assholes had been up to.

Tony huffed and threw himself on his bed.

"I don't know why you wouldn't put stupid Pete Wentz's damn chair in there," Tony said, kicking Pete's Officially Licensed Killers inflatable chair across the room. Matt sighed.

"Because. Number one, then I would just have to fight with him later when he bitched about it. Number two, your GC chair is smaller, and would fit in the closet better."

Tony sighed and looked at his chair, shoved haphazardly in the closet.

"It didn't fit," Tony pouted. "And I don't want Benji to be in the closet."

"Well, you can take him out when you want to sit on his face," Matt said, biting back a laughed.

"I'm just glad stupid Pete Wentz isn't here," Tony said, hopping over and kicking Pete's chair again. "Sorry, Benji," Tony said, looking at the smiling picture of Benji that was looking out at him from Pete's closet. "Good idea to use Pete Wentz's closet," Tony said. "Cause there is no room left in there for a damn thing."

"That's why we took all his shit out first," Matt explained. Tony looked at the heap of shit on Pete's bed and nodded.

"You really do have good plans, Matt," Tony said.

Matt nodded.